We’re just over halfway into Advent now, the period between the fourth Sunday before Christmas and Christmas Eve. If you’re UK-based, you’ll probably have been aware of preparations for Christmas from around the end of October but this period is the one when it gets serious. You can’t miss it.
If you’re concentrating on the story itself, the birth of Our Lord Jesus Christ and his role as our Saviour – if you follow the Christian faith, that is – then everything’s quite clear. It’s a time of wonder, joy, looking forward and the hope of peace, redemption and, ultimately, life everlasting. In that case, it’s probably the best time of year.
Even if you follow a different religion – or none at all – then it’s still a pretty good time to be out and about. Christmas lights all over the place, parties, parties, parties, and the opportunity to see friends and loved ones at the end of it sounds as though there’s certain to be some fun to be had there. And let’s not forget that there might be at least one present you – we – will be hopeful of liking and appreciating.
For many of us, that is the case. We have an optimism that gets us through the organisational part of the holiday, the rushing to meet deadlines, the catching up with friends for a drink or two several evenings in a row – when most of us in “normal” times would allow a day or so’s grace between these highly charged events – and the in-between bits when we’re buying up every Amazon product we can think of in the hopes that at least one will please a loved one or two. (Bet you couldn’t read that last sentence without drawing a breath – that’s how Christmas may feel to some of us.)
It’ll all be worth it on Christmas Day itself , we tell ourselves, just to see the delight and smiles on the faces of those we are spending the day with which, in most cases, has some kind of blood connection with us.
Now, imagine that everything’s in place. It’s all perfect and all worked out as it should. Can you? Does it? Is it possible that we’re looking back to our childhoods and those idyllic times and trying to recreate now what we had then. When life was so exciting and new and Santa was just around the corner?
If you’re lucky enough to be able to recreate that still, read no further. You don’t need to. Just make sure you continue to have a great time. In that case, of course, it is the season to be jolly.
If, however, your Christmases have not all been quite like that, I’m going to think a little about you and the others among us who find this quite a painful period to manage.
There are families who are separated from those they love at this time. Some have jobs that necessitate it and celebrations come later. That can be manageable. Indeed some people might choose to work over Christmas because they value the help they can give to others at this particular time.
Then there are those who are separated in a different way and there seems to be no way back. This time is particularly poignant because of all those “what ifs” and “what might have beens”. The sight of all those supposedly happy revellers can be unbearable to those who are feeling a little lost themselves.
Some of us have our own inner turmoils which, no matter how much we are urged to put aside and look at the positive, we may have trouble keeping them at bay. I read with amazement at people saying their favourite Christmas film is “It’s a Wonderful Life”. Really? A man at his wit’s end and seeing no end to his misery, being told by a ghost that he should be truly grateful for what he’s got. And, to ensure he gets the message, given flashbacks to illustrate the point. Goodness me!
Clearly it worked for the saintly James Stewart and I’m very glad about that – and for those viewers who loved it. But I can tell you that, as a counsellor, if I was working with a client for the first time and, instead of acknowledging what s/he was feeling, I told them exactly what they should be grateful for, I’d be pretty surprised if I were to see them again.
A good therapeutic relationship involves being willing and able to see the world from your client’s point of view. You will also be wanting to work with them to find a way to navigate (get through) the situation they’re in or, perhaps, to feel better about it. You may, as someone looking from the outside in, be able to help them see all is not as dark as it seems. But you will not be able to do that merely by telling them there are others worse off than themselves. Sometimes that “pull yourself together” lark is just not what’s needed.
I think what I’m trying to say is that all may not be as we imagine, even at this time of such open “jollity”. And may I please ask you to consider that at this busy time. Behind the happy smiles there may be some people working hard to keep their “brave” faces in place. There’s a lot of loss about and this is the time many of us really feel it. And it may not be an immediate loss; some of us have lost beloved ones at this time of year – and not just loved ones of the human kind – and are mourning still.
So, when I say Happy Christmas or, if you prefer, Season’s Greetings, I also wish for those of you who need it, a little lightening of the spirit. I also very much wish you good cheer.