September, my favourite month.
That’s not just because it’s my birthday month bringing back fond memories of youth, parties and presents. It’s mainly, and probably more importantly, because I have no expectations of what the month should be.
I have a memory of August as a slightly miserable time. The happy expectation and excitement of summer is on the wane, and the last month of the sunshine months feels a bit like a rose that’s rather lost its bloom. It’s a memory of times past and, sometimes, a bit painful when one remembers the beauty and optimism of youth.
September, on the other hand, is a month of unknowns. The weather’s usually reasonably temperate and there’s less of the freneticism I tend to connect with summer, particularly this one just passed. It is a month for us to contemplate.
For me, personally, this month is even more of a forward-looking and planning period than the New Year when hopes are too high and promises and pledges are invariably broken before we’ve reached the middle of January. My limited expectations mean I don’t set myself up for failure. That makes it even better.
Others at a different stage of life can also enjoy this change of season. If you’re a parent, children returning to school may be a relief – and for your children too; families who have holidayed together may be secretly rather grateful that they’re going back into their groove and glad for a bit of solitude as they prepare for whatever unexpected challenge will inevitably come their way.
So having described my lack of expectations with more expectation than I’d have expected, I’m set to go. A fresh, new page and the opportunity to decide just what I’m going to do with it. For now, I promise myself that I will write that article that’s been on my mind all summer, I will organise my wardrobe at last and dress age appropriately and I will settle myself into my counselling work once more. September is often a time when people feel they need to consider certain aspects of their life with a therapist and it’s a time to prepare for new approaches and even a few surprises.
I’m not alone in that. Most of us probably know by now, life is full of surprises. I bet William and Catherine were not giving too much thought to what was going to happen in September beyond their eldest boy, George, starting big school and perhaps congratulating themselves on how well they’d done.
And then THE BIG REVEAL. The prodigal son, his wife and their two small children have played a blinder and are coming home to wreak havoc. Who would have guessed it!
Of course, they wouldn’t have put it quite like that and they might even be returning with the best of intentions so, as a non-judgmental counsellor, I must put such thoughts to one side.
But I bet Wills and Kate won’t. I bet at least one of them is feeling very cross indeed. And the problem is that is there is no clear solution. What can they do about it?
The Royals are lucky in that they have staff with an in-depth understanding and experience of their employers. That’s more than most of us have. We have – hopefully – the odd relative and/or friend to offer advice but not the rooms-full of devoted staff that they do.
Shared history counts for more than we realise
On the other hand, our personal dramas are probably not being played out in public unless we’re very keen social media fans with an influencer-style following. That, trust me, is a big plus.
So, what to do and what would I with my professional hat on wonder how I could walk with my clients and guide them along this very uneven path. I can’t pretend it’d be easy and I’ve had just about a month to consider it.
Like every complicated personal problem, there are layers here to tackle. You have the initial deep love of the brothers, with a touch of sibling rivalry thrown in and then the intensive bonding over the tragic, unexpected and too early death of their mother at such a young age for those boys.
And then we have the repair work that all those close to the boys tried their best to achieve. It seemed to go reasonably well with the odd mishap that the boys embarrassingly had to share with us, the public, but we hoped that life might be settling down for them.
You don’t need me to tell you that it doesn’t seem to have worked out quite that way for Harry, although we had such high hopes at his wedding. Despite his beautiful wife, delightful two children and what we’d all imagined would be an amazing life in the sunshine state of California, the pull of his homeland appears too strong to resist. Let’s hope his return home is all he and his immediate family could wish for.
So where does that leave William and his family? It’s going to be a testing time with the world watching. The Wales can pretend Harry and family are not on the same small island as they are but they’re bound to come into contact at some stage. The anticipation will be hard, an actual meeting – planned or otherwise – may be even more challenging. And, because many people currently believe he and Catherine have the moral high ground, he’ll need to try and react with grace.
My tip would be to stay quiet. Silence has more power than we realise, even as we may find it hard to achieve.
Very few of us escape some form of pain in our journey through life and the loss of a mother at a young age would seem to be particularly tragic. However, a mother who loves her child would not want their life to be defined by such a loss. She would wish all the best for them. I do too and I’ll be watching with interest.